How Does the Right/Wrong Paradigm Color Your Experience?

November 20, 2011


How Does the Right/Wrong Paradigm Color Your Experience?
by Klemmer & Associates

There is a set of sunglasses we wear that colors our experiences in the context of right and wrong. When considering this, I am not speaking in terms of morality, but about a person’s experience. More specifically, within this context one person is right and the other person is wrong.

Over the years I have come to see that everyone wears this pair of sunglasses to some degree or another. I have also observed that this way of looking at the world is one of the most difficult paradigms to change.

To understand this, let’s look at some of the other “sunglasses” that we wear. One example would be someone who is accustomed to operating from a context of low trust. It is relatively easy to see that the opposite pair of sunglasses would be high trust. Another example has to do with risk. If someone operates from a context of low risk, then it is fairly obvious that high risk is the converse pair of sunglasses.

However, if someone wears a pair of sunglasses called right and wrong, then in their mind to give up being right would mean they are wrong. That is still operating from behind a pair of right and wrong sunglasses. If you take off these sunglasses, the concept of right and wrong doesn’t even exist, and that opens up a realm where abundant opportunities are possible.

The difficulty that lies in viewing the world from this paradigm can be illustrated with an example from sales. Suppose you are a salesperson trying to sell a product or an opportunity. Then suppose the customer tells you that they don’t have the money for your product or opportunity. If you are coming from a right/wrong paradigm, you will probably respond by showing the customer how they really do have the money.

How might this come across to the prospect? It will seem as if you are saying that they are wrong because they do have the money. Since no one likes to be wrong, the customer will probably dig in their feet and look at you as wrong. The end result, of course, is that no sale will be made.

How can you ? as the salesperson – approach a prospect without right and wrong sunglasses on? You can use a concept called feel/felt/found. When the prospect says they don’t have the money, instead of pointing out ways that they (in your eyes) are wasting money that might go toward the product, you could say, “I know how you feel. I’ve felt the same way.”

If you have taken the Klemmer Heart of the Samurai seminar, then you are familiar with the basic principle from aikido of taking the wrist of the person coming at you and using their energy to get them to walk in the same direction as you. Likewise, these feel/felt comments get you and the prospect going in the same direction. It is at this point that the “found” part of feel/felt/found comes in.

You could say something such as, “What I’ve found out is, the situation doesn’t change unless I do something different. Unless I invest money – which makes the short-term harder – I don’t have a chance for longer term gain.” Or you might say, “What I’ve found is, there are ways of saving money that aren’t obvious right off the bat, such as..” In this way, feel/felt/found opens up options that could not be seen from within the context of right and wrong.

Here’s to your success!


By Klemmer & Associates

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